Normalcy

Last night I couldn't sleep. I was somewhat happy that I finally figured out how to program the TV in the bedroom so I could watch Roseanne while I fall asleep. My mind started drifting to my ever present worries and then it hit me: a panic attack! I almost got up and erased this blog! I started thinking about how every single detail of my heart condition is out there! I've tried to be normal my whole life and that's why I kept my health private. Then I started thinking about my friend Sarah who passed away 2 years ago after a heart transplant. For those of you who don't know the story, I met Sarah after she moved to southern Illinois with her husband from central Wisconsin. Fate brought us together. We were two girls who wanted to be writers, loved animals and both had heart defects. She even had the same cardiologist as me! I met her as she was getting listed on the transplant list. Four years later, she moved home after her husband declared that he wanted a divorce. She had a blog and wrote about what she was going through. I woke up many mornings with an e-mail from Sarah waiting for me and it always made my day. She had an enormous talent with words- whether she was presenting herself to a friend or the world. I still go to her page or read her e-mails on nights that I really miss her. God, she was the bravest soul I have ever met! Even though I have some big issues, she had far worse than I do. She pressed forward and her faith did not falter. I fear people who don't know me that well will mistake this as a ploy for sympathy, but that's not the case. I'm not exactly sure why I'm doing this, but I know that like Sarah, I should give those, like me, a voice in their struggles. Not many people think about Congenital Heart Disease or understand it. Now, I hope many will.

I decided today to try to get back to my normal routine- as much as possible. The surgeon's office called and set up a consultation appointment for the end of October, so I have that long to consider every question I will have for this man. Until then, I'm going to try to exercise daily, eat right and get my mind, body and spirit in the best shape possible. I know how to fight this fight, I only need to find the faith I once had. I am going to make the choice to believe that this problem (no matter how scary and disappointing it is right now) will turn into a blessing! Perhaps the reason I met Sarah in the last few years of her life was to find the strength that I would later need. She is the true inspiration for this blog, so I hope I don't really freak out and erase it. :)

I have to return to normalcy-the Lena version. This is just a bump in the road...

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Not that I ever dread a dentist appointment, but I am welcoming the change! Oh- and I have a hair appointment too! I don't think my hair will ever be normal, no matter how much I hope and pray for that!